dance. dance from your heart. *

Monday, August 22, 2005

wahx....

i nv felt so energy-less before...

i think i m drained out...

totally...

nv did Project Work till like to tired b4...

aft lessons chiong project.....

tot can rest on the bus...

saw tis not-close-at-all fren....

n she starts blabbering to me abt her sch life, class life, her likes n dislikes...

i mean.. it's so none-of-my-business lah...

ok.. a bit evil... but i dun like to just waste my little bit of energy to smile tt feeble smile n to entertain her by nodding my small head...

ok.... nvm....

good news: tt at least is able to cheer mi up tt bit

my econs teacher praised me.. for making effort in my recent econs test... yea.... very happy!! i studied like mad for tt.. woo hoo! paid off.... muacks....

dancing all night long _ *
8:35 PM
-

Saturday, August 20, 2005

mmm.... talked 2 *shy on the phone..... since we last met last sun...
dun intend to call her initially.. just that she tempted me with such stuffs .. dat excites me so much... ok.. juz cant wait to call her asap ... n talked 2 her....
whao... such a long talk...... but yet... on my mind was only wad she said for the 1st few minutes....

i dunno if she can feel the tinge of sadness tt falls upon me tt moment... undescribe-able.... not really sadness... not reallly disappointment... not really upset... haiya.. whatever... just simply.... down.... ok.. eveb if the ans is either a 'yes' or a 'no'... i would not probably do anything abt it... but.. somehow u just yearn for this +empty 'yes'+

perhaps... its really not wad i think it would be... for them two... its a 'year' thingy.. but for me... juz a 'day' thingy..... i dunno.... feel quite.... whatever lah....

perhaps the protagonist dun even understand how 'big' tis issue actually is... bcos he/she basically dun give a heck.. or dun even realises the existence of such circumstances....
i am confused..... or mayb it is even better... to noe everiting alone.. so as to prevent undesired situations fom happening...

ok lah.. convinced me that its all God's plan k? yah.... mayb all that has happpened is the best that cld happen afterall... as in.. good for u, good for me... good for everybody lor.... yah.. maybe... shld be... yes... it MUST BE...

u ppl may nt understand this entry....at all... mayb only shy understands... mayb sum part she doesnt even understand.... oh yah... i guess no one even needs to understand... mmmm....

dun bother asking me.... cos i wun even bother saying.... i shld'nt even have blogged abt it... but.... ironically, i juz find myself typing down all these right now... u noe the computer wldnt understand u... but well, technology just have this weird way that eventually attracts us to them.... wen u r full or emotions, emotion-less... guess wad.... it seeems that the Computer knows it all...

goin for a swim... pls dun rain anymore

dancing all night long _ *
3:05 PM
-

Sunday, August 14, 2005

u noe.. i juz feel new eveery sabath arises.... God always does something new... God always gives n provides a different n another 'batch' of new strength... n new set of confidence... a fresher start.... a affirmation that He's there... always.... if i seek...

it's so wonderful... and it's an honor to marvel at God's wonderful works on someone's else...

God.. i want them to.... can I?

yahx... i tell myself.. this time i cant disappoint Him again... i tell u... now i m once again refreshed n renewed by Him...

mmm... i m waiting n expecting something great... =p

dancing all night long _ *
9:42 PM
-

Saturday, August 13, 2005

gElylAnG dAyx...

mEt up with *dajiN *chEnloOn *shY ydAe... n guess up.. we went to GEYLANG !!!haha... ok .... it was super fun ....

it was actually chEn lOoN's bdae..... oN 10th... sO wE decided to go out n eat .. yuPx.. the 4 of us....

i seriously enjoyed myself a lot a lot... as in... hanging out in 4s... crapping n sharing bout what's going on in our lives recently.. while the 2 of they blabbers about their DB life..... n cracking stupid jokes tryin very hard to fool ppl like mi... hahahax.... it was really so enjoyable.. from 8+ eat till 10+... like Beef hoR fUn!..... sOyA bEancuRd yoU tiAo... aBit of diM suM... sEsAmE pasr... pEanUt pAstE n DURIANS!!!

supEr funny lahx.. like some auntie uncle lidat....

u noe... when the four of us actually hang out lidat... i was telling shy.. tt it's really very 'adult' lahx... like how Dj n Cl 'take care' of us... ensuring we r 'safe' at all times.. hahaha.... n of cos... the companionship of each other... well.... it's a once-in-a-while- experience thing....

n of cos.... in the midst of the business of our individual lives, meeting up once in a long while is actually quite happening... u talk as much as u would like to... n tellin each other stuffs tt they wouldnt know.... n things like tt.... mmmm....

n yah.... wun noe when will be the next time de 4 of us will meet up like this... but definitely, i believe if there's another chance.. we'll definitely treasure tis precious time..

ok!!! what else can i say.... but really thank God for such wonderful frens.. though we may not see each other often.. but the rare sms sent n the hi's n bye's on msn.... wld deeply revealed of how much we care n love each other... yes.. it's all in the heart.. thank you frens... =p *MUACKZ*

dancing all night long _ *
1:02 PM
-

Monday, August 08, 2005

haha.. i m quite happy today... =p

had national day celebration... n yes! we performed.. can say it was an excellent one... as in, it has no mistake made, n best of all, i guess each n every1 of us enjoyed ourselves totally...

having heard all encouragements n good + nice comments, was really so encouraged.... n it really made the day lah!!!

i guai until go for remedial lessons despite it was a celebration day can... haha.. though it was a non-compulsory thingy....

hmmm.. excellent day.. n of cos... thank God... who else but Him have the ability to make this day great n fun... who else but Him have the ability to provide me with frens ard to make today a day rejoice-able... who else but Him wld have the ability to give frens to encourage me this day... who else but Him would give a heck abt a wretch like me on this Earth.. oh.. who else but Him...

dancing all night long _ *
5:44 PM
-

ALL DAY

i m in a super good mood now....

ALL DAY-Hillsongs

I DONT CARE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ME
ITS ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT
I DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT ME
THEY'LL GET IT ONE DAY

I LOVE YOU, I'LL FOLLOW YOU
YOU ARE MY LIFE
I WILL READ MY BIBLE AND PRAY
I WILL FOLLOW YOU ALL DAY

I DONT CARE WHAT IT COSTS ANYMORE
COS YOU GAVE IT ALL AND I'M FOLLOWING YOU
I DONT CARE WHAT IT TAKES ANYMORE
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I'M GOING YOU WAY

I LOVE YOU, I'LL FOLLOW YOU
YOU ARE MY LIFE
I WILL READ MY BIBLE AND PRAY
I WILL FOLLOW YOU ALL DAY

ALL DAY, ALL DAY NOW, ALL DAY

ANYONE AROUND CAN SEE
JUST HOW GOOD YOU'VE BEEN TO ME
FOR ALL MY FRIENDS WHO DONT KNOW YOU
I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD SAVE THEM TOO

dancing all night long _ *
5:30 PM
-

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I look around for hope to find
There's so much but none i like
Isnt this how the world is like
That none will be satisfied with their life

I inquire only for this peace
That i can get only from Thee
They ask for more, for good, and for the best
And besides that, they have all the rest

Friends and family know it all
With their words i m not old
Fresh and new day awaits me
Still and strong like the tree, i will be

Enough stay in Timbaktu
Time for me to start anew
"I have never fail nor forsake u"
God will help me, mind you

dancing all night long _ *
2:47 PM
-

Friday, August 05, 2005

i wonder if this will become a usual routine....

waking up at 3am almost all mornings
study-school-eat-study again-n a bit of dance-study again
strength-less n worn-out
expecting excellent results....

but guess what.... u flunk almost all of them

if this is going to b my routine for all whole of 2 yrs.. i rather not continue it. but the problem is, i dun even noe the answer...
ppl, stop telling me to work hard... i just feel uncomfortable hearing that for the umpteenth time.... how to work hard? aint i working hard now? whats the problem?

sometimes u really get so disappointed that u get angry with everyone around u, u get angry with urself, u get ange with the world, u get angry with ur life...

checked my results juz now in class... n my CT wants to see my parents.. i m freakin worried... i duno what they will say n stuffs... i think i will cry again.. went to the toilet ALONE... n juz sobbed.... it's terrible... to cry alone n having no1 by ur side.... i read shy's n kris's sms.... my tears juz flowed....

in pehaps similar situation as some of u, i searched thru my phonebook n hope 2 talked 2 some1... sadly, none i've found... i onnly managed to sms shy n kris n then, i dint reply their sms... duno how to ....

will there be a single person tt will truly understands me? noe how worried i am.... the sadness is not only superficial but its truly deep... like how roots have penetrated into the ground? that as wind blows n rain drops, it willl still be so inside... difficult to remove...

will there be one tt will c me thru as i try to hide my emotions? the cheery, pleasing, cheeky me, is actually distressed, troubled, sorrowful, hurt n painful?

no use letting other knows what u r feeling, how much effort put in... no use convincing others to believe in you....

when u actually are losing faith in urself, when u actually feel so hopeless, when u actually feels like giving up...

Do you knnow how i feel?

dancing all night long _ *
9:57 PM
-

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

i dun feel good..

gt scolded by GP teacher 2dae...

she gave us a readiin test... to test us if we read the reading ... den super jia lat... she was damn pissed cos of cos no 1 does well...... sae we stupid.. sae we brainless... canot tahan her... dunno y have such a teacher like her... screwed...

best thing, halfway doing my work, she called mi n ask mi 2 go out.. den i went.. n she said my language not good... two scientist(s) i write scientist.... it was juz a minor mistake lah.. she nid 2 lidat embarass mi infront the whole class? she was saying.. in J1 alr, the english still like that... like what cannot be helped n things lidat... n mind you... she wasnt like say until very soft lah.. its basically shouting n everi1 can hear lahx...

its like.. if she meant to let everi1 noe, den why the hell she ask mi walk to the front, n after she finish embarrassin me, asked mi to return to my seat? mite as well scold mi from my seat right? make mi walk... wad the hell... she damn ridiculous can say.... i rmb Mr Yeo once mentioned that we have to have good relationship with teachers... but how to have with tt freaking old lady... sick...

besides being angry.... besides being disappointed.. i was super discouraged as welll lah.. well... u noe lahx... u will have all the thoughts, negative i mean.. yahx.... but my fren told mi 2 juz ignore her..... work hard let her c... ok... i think i will try .... i think....

haiya... den i take 190... wanted to drop at a certain bus stop den change bus home.. but dunno wad i thinking... juz stare in the blank space ... i realised soon after tt i was on the expressway towards orchard... how manly can i get.....

mmm.... i always look forward to dance.. yes! 2ml..... rehearsals..... national day celabration is juz 6 days away... mine.. . so excited..... mmmm...... practiced so hard for my 1st ever performance for PJC ppl... wooo hoo... duno wad it will b like... kan chiong dead....

dancing all night long _ *
5:45 PM
-